*Please note that this article has been translated using a Bark to English translator.
Your human just left, WHAT IF THEY DON’T EVER COME BACK? This is stressful to you. Sure, they left you food, but you’ll eat that and then what? WHAT IF YOU STARVE. Being a dog is tough business, so much stress.
I mean, let’s not even get started on what a jerk the cat was today. WAIT! IS THAT YOUR HUMAN? Sorry, false alarm, it was just the mailman. You’d better bark at him so he knows you’re in here, potentially starving to death.
Hey, that felt kind of great, didn’t it? I wonder what else you could do to ease some of this stress and anxiety? Let’s see, I think I’ve come up with a pretty great list of 7 things you could do to lessen the stress of being a dog:
1. Find something nice to pee on
Corners are pretty great. You could definitely pee on the corner of the couch. I think that would help. It has the added bonus of letting everyone know that the couch is yours.
2. See those slippers? Chew ‘em!
Not only are the delicious, they’ll help your teeth. Chewing is cathartic, why do you think those silly cows do it all day long?
3. Locate your human, commence face licking
4. Demand a butt scratch for your trouble
You went to all the trouble of licking their face, it’s the least they can do.
Barking felt pretty great, so why not take it to another level and let that howl loose.
6. Chase the cat
Take that cat down a peg. Sure, he's scary and mean, but it makes a funny squeak when you step on it!
7. Take a nap on the fresh laundry
Those silly humans keep making their laundry smell weird and not like you at all. Fix that by rolling around on the laundry pile and then taking a nice long nap as a reward for a job well done.
I hope these tips will help you out. Remember, your human WILL return. You WILL catch that cat, and the squirrel isn’t actually laughing at you.