We all love our dogs no matter what they do, but they can be also be weird, gross, and embarrassing creatures. We asked some dog owners to spill their most embarrassing dog stories, and the responses were hilarious! There is vomiting, farting, humping, underwear eating, and peeing. They are amazing, and also kind of gross, so brace yourselves!
1. "I once sneaked my little dog into Ikea. As I was checking out, staff came to tell me he wasn't allowed in there, since they serve food. I claimed he was exceptionally well behaved and they need not worry, only to have him randomly throw up in front of them, while in my arms, for no apparent reason. That was uncomfortable."
2. "My dog just threw up all over himself and my couch as my friend sat beside him and was petting him and saying how cute he was."
3. "My dog ate my thong and my parents had to rake out $5000 for surgery. He was so sick, we didn't know if he would make it through surgery. We know it was my thong because the vet offered to show us what had made our nom-monster so ill. He never ate another thong, but eats pretty much everything else and is currently delightfully chubby. TL;DR My thong almost killed my dog."
4. "My dog likes to come to me for comfort when she's about to barf. Which, I guess in theory is sweet - but it's really just gross. A few weeks ago, at butt o'clock in the morning, she came to me while I was dead asleep, and decided to barf on my head. It was great, in that sort of "you're the effing worst" kind of way."
5. "One time my ex and I were fighting, and as soon as we were quiet, our dog James went to sit right on my ex's lap and just peed all over him. Then he came up to me, all proud, like, 'Look what I did for you, mommy!' Clearly I was his favorite ;) This photo is actually from the day it happened."
6. "My super conservative photographer mom had my brand new puppy out in her front yard to take some photos of him while I took a shower inside. I came out to see how things were going and she goes 'Uhhhh, is this a regular thing?' Apparently he had spent the whole half hour humping his moose pillow, something we had never seen him do before. She could barely pull him away to take other photos before he would run back over to his pillow."
7. "Before we got my dog neutered he would sneak up on people and pee on them. So people in the park we frequented started calling him the mystery pisser. He's turning 12 this year, he hasn't peed on anyone probably in 11 years. The name stuck."
8. "When I took my dog to the dog bowl (a big dog park in Toronto) for the first time, I was really excited because I had heard about the dog bowl a lot prior to moving nearby. It was spring time and there was a HUGE muddy puddle on one end of the park. Well, Mara decided to be the ONLY dog there to jump in and roll around in it. She was literally covered in mud head to toe, her mouth was even full of mud. She got SO excited about being covered in mud that she ran at full speed around the park while everyone was yelling 'omg, keep the mud dog away from me!!!!', 'Omg keep the mud dog away from my dog!', and no matter what I did, she wouldn't stop terrorizing all the dogs and dog owners with her mud covered body. I didn't go back to the park for a while out of embarrassment but now we go all the time and haven't had any incidences since."
9. "My dog used to get into dirty laundry and chew on the underwear. One time she completely ate through the crotch area of a family member's jeans. She also has a knack for getting into bathroom garbages and pulling out used tampons, then chewing on them and leaving them on the floor in the living room."
10. "We took my boyfriend's dog to the park yesterday. He's had a hard life (we just got him) so he doesn't really know how to normally socialize with other dogs. He spent 45 minutes trying to lick this other dog's privates, who was not down. The other dog's owners would throw the ball and my boyfriend's dog (who is kind of obese) would chase after the other dog only to just get right in there and start licking his privates. Luckily, the other dog was a way faster runner so he was pretty good at escaping these unwanted advances. It was like watching some creepy dude in a bar who just doesn't get it. It wasn't necessarily embarrassing, it was just awkward. The owners of the other dog were giving off this, 'what's wrong with him?' sort of vibe."
11. "One time I was walking my dog on the sidewalk in my residential neighborhood of a medium size city, off leash. Just a quick jaunt down the block and back for a pee. She is a curious dog, but quite well trained and generally well behaved. This particular day she was extra curious. She ran up on the porch of a house, and as I was calling her back, THE PEOPLE OPENED THEIR DOOR AND MY DOG RAN INTO THEIR HOUSE. Like, in the door, down the hall, to the back of the house, then ran back out to me. The people, luckily, thought it was hilarious. I never walked her off leash on the sidewalk again."
12. "The Infamous Thanksgiving Turkey-Fart story is from when Humphrey was about two. I had a great place and wanted to be an adult and cook a full Thanksgiving dinner for friends and family. We were about eight people total. I didn't know the almost immediate adverse effects of dogs and turkey so I also made Humphrey a special Turkey and kibble dinner. Humphrey then took a nap under the dining table and started to fart while we ate. It was so bad that you could almost taste them and our eyes burned. We had to open all the windows and it was a pretty cold day. We couldn't continue eating until the smell was gone, and we'd had way more wine. Humphrey got banished to the back yard so we could finish our meal. I am now a vegetarian - and I can honestly say I do not miss Turkey dinners."